That is what it is all about for me.
I didn’t run a single step for 3 weeks while trying to get my life in order. My thought patterns went like this.
- I gotta get out for a run, but I am so tired and everyone is sick in the house.
- There is just too much to do right now
- I’ll be able to catch up
- The virtual marathon isn’t the same as the Vancouver Marathon, so I don’t give a shit if it takes me 6 hours to complete
- I’ll be fine when I start up again
- Man, that was another Sunday gone by wasn’t it…
- I am so tired.
- It’s just too hard. Why even bother anymore.
- Gawd I’m gaining weight
- Well, i’m not running tomorrow anyway, might as well have a coke float.
- Well, i’m not running tomorrow anyway, might as well have a plate of nachos.
- Well, i’m not running tomorrow anyway, might as well have an ice cream.
- Well, i’m not running tonight anyway, might as well have McDonalds for lunch.
- Well, i’m not running tonight anyway, might as well have Dairy Queen for lunch.
- Well, i’m not running tonight anyway, might as well have a burger and fries for lunch.
- Well, i’m not running tonight anyway, might as well have the fish and chips for lunch.
- Well, i’m not running tomorrow anyway, might as well work all night.
- Well, i’m not running tomorrow anyway, might as well have a fudgcicle.
- Well, i’m not running tomorrow anyway, might as well have a beer.
- Well, i’m not running tomorrow anyway, might as well have a big bowl of cheeze sauce with white bread to dip it in.
- Well, i’m not running tonight anyway, might as well have a Venti Mocha with whip and drizzle.
So on Tuesday, even though I over-ate during the day I sent this to Happy Dan
Toughest 4k I have run since my first week of running. I got side cramps and I was just plain winded the whole time.
I went home and didn’t overeat anymore. I drank a bunch of water and decided I’d go run hills with group on Wednesday. I ate well in preparation for the evening run, drank a bunch of water and pretty much got head screwed on straight. It was a really good run. It was 8ish kms with 6 hill repeats in the middle of which I did 4 barefoot, and it seemed like a world away from the day before. So much better.
I had planned on running long this Sunday, but wasn't sure how much I would be able to handle, so when Darren got ahold of me to ask if I wanted to run on Saturday, just an easy run, it was a no brainer. Sure.
Like I said above, it was spectacular. Not in the sense that it was the most amazing physical/fast/efficient run I had ever completed, but it was more about me re-assuring myself that i COULD still do this. It was a mediumish speed (for me), and it was wonderful. Easy conversation about all manner of things and a little running effort.
So what is running all about for me? It about all of you, the internet people and my local running friends that I have met along the way. Darren and I happened to meet during the Frozen Ass 50 in February, and in conversation on that run, we found out we live 3 blocks away from each other. Crazy!
I had never met Darren before that race, but we ended up chatting a lot and he became one of the heroes of my race report. What an awesome guy!
So, really, what I am getting at is, that I am a runner. I need to run, but I can’t do it alone. I feel sad that my situation in life has caused me to miss some of my favorite races this spring already, but soon enough I will be back in the racing saddle, meeting new people and getting my happy fix. I feel bad for you, my loyal internet, that you have to listen to my crappy crap, but, it’s doesn’t seem to be driving anyone away, but I am sure if I carried on like this, that I would be left here alone in the wide world web, typing to myself. That’s no fun.
Anyhow. I gave a glimpse into pissed off Neil in the past few postings, but like I said, that’s not me. Those incidents are very isolated and for once, I am going to let them go… and try to focus on what I can do today to make my life better, so I can help make other peoples lives better. What do you say? Are you with me?
I lied. I am going to go back. But for good stuff. For the benefit of my new, and awesome cool kid readers, this is more like me…
http://becauseallthecoolkidsaredoingit.blogspot.com/2010/10/and-how-was-your-day.html
these next two go together, so read the first one first…
http://becauseallthecoolkidsaredoingit.blogspot.com/2010/05/sunday-run-adds-to-crazy-week-warning.html
http://becauseallthecoolkidsaredoingit.blogspot.com/2010/05/now-that-was-awesome.html
And this isn’t the first time I have been in the dumps either. The next link is a post very similar to this one. Uncanny really.
http://becauseallthecoolkidsaredoingit.blogspot.com/2010/08/first-of-all.html
So, I give you permission to slap me upside the internet, when you see me starting to whine and bitch about how busy and tired I am. It has been proven over and over again that I am a much better me when I am running.
Most importantly, thanks to my very lovely wife, for kicking me out the door this week. In not as many words, she said I was more of an asshole when I was not running, so please, go run, come back happy.
I did, and I am.
Ahhhh, running. The cure for all evils. :) My dh is a cyclist and was Mr misery-guts-I-want-to-kill-everybody-aaaggghhhh til I kicked him out the door. 50 miles later he's all smiley and the world is a wonderful place. Ahh endorphins, how I love thee. :D
ReplyDeleteYAY! Nice to have you back Neil :) Endorphins are wonderful! Keep on keeping on...
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear you are back on you path. It will be so much easier to stay on it now that winter is gone. It is gone, right? You just have to believe it.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, Neil.
Neil I'm so proud of you to put it all out there. That is not easy to do. I'm not able to do that yet. I think alot of us runners go threw that crap. I know I sure did about a month ago. I wanted to call it quits. I kept reading other bloggers and they inspired me to push threw all of the depression crap and being lazy. But you are right if you can get one good run in after not running for awhile you will feel how great it feels and keep going back for more. I would rather run with a partner it just makes me more accountable. So dont beat yourself up to bad. You got out there again, now you KEEP ON RUNNING DUDE. NO EXCUSES
ReplyDeleteGlad your runs went better and you're feeling back on track. I'm trying to put Saturday's crappy run behind me and to just start fresh tomorrow back on the plan. And "whiny" Neil is better than fake Neil any day.
ReplyDeleteBusy and tired - that's how nearly all of my weeks are. But it's the running that keeps me centered and sane and lets me get through the mounds of work that have to be done. But, like you, I find it so much easier to get out there if I know I'll have company.
ReplyDeletethis is a very honest post. no BS. I like it. I know you had a good one today, this is fantastic. giving up is the easy choice. Keeping at it is the one that brings the rewards and all good things..with some effort yes, but it is worth it.
ReplyDeletethis is my favortie part:
"Most importantly, thanks to my very lovely wife, for kicking me out the door this week. In not as many words, she said I was more of an asshole when I was not running, so please, go run, come back happy."
That my Canadian friend is true love because she KNOWS YOU.
Yep. Stopping the runs is like stopping taking the medication. I am miserable if I can't run, especially if injured. It doesn't take long to get back to the habit (addiction) but to coin the cheesiest of running soundbites, the first steps out the door are the hardest (barf).
ReplyDelete