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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

We are moving in a few days…

It will be pretty emotional I'm sure. We built this house, it was to be our dream house. It was originally a house to make up for the fact we couldn’t have kids of our own. We were D.I.N.K’s (double income no kids). We were living a dream life in suburbia. We weren’t happy tho. We went through the motions of life, but all along we were missing something. Pugs! Now we were D.I.L.D.O’s (Double income little dog owners). That was good for a while. But still we were missing a part of our life and at the time we didn’t know truly how much. After a miracle pregnancy and the subsequent loss of that pregnancy and all kinds of alternate therapies, we chose private adoption. We spent oodles of money for them to tell us all the disastrous things that can happen during the adoption process, then jumped through all the hoops to be accepted into the program, so that some unfortunate soul could choose us to give her baby to us the day it was born.

We were all ready. We filled out our order for what type/kind/color/size/health etc etc of baby we wanted and then we waited. (if you ever want to go through a gut wrenching process, fill out a form that asks questions like ‘Would you accept a baby that has cleft lip/ FAS/ any health issues?’ or ‘ Does knowing the history of the father affect your ability to accept a newborn?’ or ‘What color eyes would you like your baby to have?’

Yeah. that was a tough form to fill out.

Anyway. We were accepted and had just paid our non refundable lots of thousands of dollars to start being presented to birth mothers who would ultimately choose us. (interesting fact, the average age of birthmothers giving up a baby in Alberta is 21) (another interesting fact, a birthmother has 10 days after giving up her baby to ask for it back, and the adoptive parent are powerless to stop this… can you imagine?) (another interesting fact. If the birthmother has any costs related to therapy or legal fees, as they sometimes go to court to try unsuccessfully to get their baby back after the 10 days, ALL costs are the responsibility of the adoptive parents. So we would have to pay her costs to battle us in court). Just goes to show how important it is to some people. however…

… We became the cliche. 3 days later Traci came running down the stairs, tripped and fell the last 4 steps and crying showed me the positive preg test.

Lucky for us Traci was considered a high risk of lots of things, so we were treated to plenty of ultrasounds. The most important one being the 7 week US where we heard his heartbeat for the first time… here is an excerpt from a private blog I had at the time…

I am having a hell of a time containing myself. both of us were feeling like absolute crap yesterday (maybe edmontonchuck rubbed off on us), but holy moly, when the doc fires up the doppler and she lets us hear our babies heartbeat, it's all good. In fact, it so good it's indescribable. for a moment in time, when we hear the heartbeat, i melt into a big warm puddle.
I am looking forward to holding my baby.

Then a month later this one…

Wow!!! What a rush!!! The tech told us:
"It is DEFINITLY a boy"
"His brain is symmetrical"
"His Heart has all 4 chambers, is inside the rib cage and is beating normally"
"His stomach has fluid in it, so he can swallow properly"
"His bladder has fluid in it, so his kidneys are functioning properly"
"His stomach is below his heart, which is normal"
"His spine is normal"
"Hands, feet, fingers, and toes are are normal"
"The umbilical cord is present and contains all 3 tubes"
"You have a perfect baby, congratulations!"
She was moving the US around and she goes, "look, he's rubbing his face" HE WAS!! it was really cool! He was moving like crazy, she had a hard time keeping up to him. She took 5 very good pictures of him, and when she was taking them, you could see that his legs were bent like he was crouching, than all of a sudden he kicked! wow.
We go next Wednesday to get all the results at the doctors and we will know more details, like the heartrate, the exact due date etc...

So anyway, if you spend anytime here at all you know the rest of the story. We got Andrew out of the deal. We were asked if we wanted to go back into the adoption program but respectfully declined as we found what was missing.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the house. It was never meant to be what it became. Don’t get me wrong, I am going to miss parts of it, and we are literally leaving pieces of our hearts and souls behind (advice: never plant a tree in memorial in your yard  to anything or anyone, and also, never give a tree for a present. Probably the saddest part about leaving is we planted a memorial tree to our unborn baby we lost and now we have to walk away from that along with a tree and lilac that my late grandpa gave us on his last visit here. But we do have pictures.)

It never became what it needed to become, and it wasn’t designed for a small family. the house we are going to is probably 200sq ft too small, it is a rental, but is in an amazing neighbourhood and I think is WAY closer to what we are supposed to live in, than the house we built.

For the first time in a couple years, after next Thurdsday when the new owners take possesion of the house we built, we can actually start to look forward again. to make plans to see new things, visit old friends, and spend some quality time with our families and ourselves. It’s been a long time since I had a day where I could go to work then come home and just sit and not worry about a multitude of things.

We are going to where we are supposed to be. At this moment. At this time.

Wow. This was going to be a blog about how cool the new ‘hood is… but I guess it needed be this… for lots of reasons.

One last thing. I love you Traci. I know this is an incredibly hard time right now, but by this time next week it will all start to be clear and the new awesome will start to show itself, but for now, I know what you are feeling like, I am right there with you, and my promise to you is, I am here. For whatever you need. (oh, yeah… go ahead and shop for the new sofa, i got you covered for that. we don’t need to bring our ratty love seat to our new nest)

PS to Traci, as of now, the ‘move rule’ has been invoked. (Move rule: Being that moving is incredibly stressful and terrible work, we are allowed to tell each other to Fuck Off, as necessary to alleviate frustration, without the other taking it personally)



  1. What a story. I hope that your move is more than anything that you and your family could hope for.

    10 days to change their minds? WOW.

    If I remember correctly - your house is amazing; I am sure the next one will be even better.

  2. Wow... thanks for sharing.. that is a great story. And a house is a house, but a home is what you make of it.

    And as for the moving part, I totally get that. Moving furniture with my wife is about the one and only time we both cuss.. at each other :-)

    Good luck with the move.. look forward to hearing more.


  3. Thanks for sharing that moving story!

    I wish you all well in your new location and your new HOME. How wonderful to be on a new and fun adventure. Onward and upward, and with smiles on your faces. {Priceless!

  4. this brought the tears....big time.
    you are a good man.
    I hope you will all be happy in your new home.
    New happy memories to come!

  5. Beautifully written.
    Wishing you all an easy transition into your new Awesome.
    Looking forward to hearing about it.

  6. I don't think there is anything meaningful I can really say about this post. Just sending hugs to you and your family. What really matters you will be taking with you.

  7. Omigod I love hearing that it works out for somebody!!!! We still live in the house where Hubby got to give me progesterone shots in the ass, all for naught. Sometimes I have to steel myself still because of the horrible things that have happened to us here. But his Grandmother grew up here, and we likely will never leave.

    When I lost our most viable pregnancy, I bought a car. Not sure if I'll ever be able to get rid of it. This was a seriously amazing post to read. Thank you so much. We are still a two human household, and most days that is how we want it now. But you simply cannot know how much I needed to hear someone come out happy on the other side. Thank you. Congrats on everything.

  8. wow. thanks for sharing :) I am so happy to read that your family is so tight. I agree about the tree thing but nothing stays the same. I remember that a friend of mine from highschool died in a car accident and there was a tree planted for her in the local park in her memory. Then the tree died and I began to think that plants in memory are just asking for more heartache. Its an awesome gesture but really nothing lasts forever.

    I am so excited for you guys!!! Its amazing how changing to a lower stress situation can make all of life seem a little brighter.

  9. Hiya! you've been tagged in my latest post.. :-)

  10. Good luck with the move. Hope your stress lessens.

  11. Oh wow, so beautiful! Thanks for sharing my friend. I had a teary moment when I read about your 2 trees you left behind. I'm oh so very happy that after all your worries and pain, everything turned out so wonderfully for you and Traci

  12. Wow. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into your life. I hope your move went as smoothly as a move can go.

  13. That is an incredibly moving, heartwrenching, beautiful, awesome blog post and I thank you for letting us into your heart like that. You are such a special man.